I just wan to get married and move to a country cottage in the middle of nowhere. I will do nothing but run, hang out with my dog, listen to music, plant a garden and enjoy nature.

Le sigh.

vacation is almost here. i cannot wait for 80 degree+ weather. i cannot wait for delicious food, drinks and to bask in the sunshine. i bought a mini vacation wardrobe. i cannot wait to wear these sundresses. i managed to convince ashley to invest in some clothes that aren't just t-shirts and jeans too. i'm excited to see how cute he will look!

but i still have to get through one more night of work before we leave. things at work have been super depressing lately. we've got a handful of really sick older "kids" right now. for some reason that always hits me harder than the babies. i guess it just makes it more real-like at the flip of a coin you could have been the patient and they could have been the nurse.

maddie will be going on her own vacation while we are gone. she will be staying at wagsworth manor out in malvern. her vacation costs more than our airfare did. hah. well hopefully she'll have a smashing good time with other pups and won't even have time to miss us. i know i'll be missing her.

i don't like my hair.
i don't like working on weekends.
i'm tired of working in general.
i don't like the cold.
i'm tired of being sick.
is it freaking time to go to mexico yet?!
this is where we are headed come april:


can't wait.

holy hell.
well happy fucking 2009.
the eve was great.
today was AWFUL.

i'll miss you lil buddy.

ashley and i adopted a new pup today! he is getting neutered and we will pick him up tomorrow after work. both of us were so silly and forgot to snap any shots of him while we were hanging out, so i found a similar looking pup.







he's between 1-2 years old and is such a sweetheart. he didn't show any aggression towards other dogs and did really well in the cat room! and the staff loved him. they named him linus at the shelter, but i'm not sure that will stay. he's not incredibly responsive to it, so i don't know if it will be an issue to change it.

it's such a big decision to do this and it's happening so fast! but i am so excited. i can't wait to have a running partner and now when ashley has to go away for work, i will feel so much safer home alone. i know it's going to be a lot of work - he needs some good training, he just gets so excited! but i think it is going to be so worth it. i'm in love!

1. Meg's Picture, 2. Handmade Fettucini, 3. Old Fury, 4. A Casa da Árvore [Tree House], 5. James McAvoy, 6. Soda Display from the year 1984, 7. Red sky at night, 8. Lemon meringue pie anyone?, 9. regard, 10. The Joy of Life, 11. Waking in the Obliquity of the Ecliptic, 12. Pattern Sample - Stitched Heart n Hypo

So here's the deal... you answer the following 12 questions about yourself:

My answers:
1. What is your first name? megan.
2. What is your favorite food? fettucini alfredo.
3. What is your horoscope sign? taurus.
4. What is your favorite color? grey.
5. Who is your celebrity crush? james mcavoy.
6. Favorite drink? soda pop.
7. Dream vacation? greek islands.
8. Favorite dessert? lemon meringue pie
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? work in a health clinic in africa.
10. What do you love most in life? laughter.
11. One word to describe you? sensitive.
12. Your flickr name? xanatomicalx (p.s. that's a new sublime stitching pattern coming out... i want!)

Type your answer to each of the above questions into Flickr's search. Using only the images that appear on the FIRST page, choose your favorite and copy and paste each of the URL's into the Mosaic Maker.

saturday morning i awoke hungry as can be.
i emerged from the bedroom and to my delight ashley and peter were cooking up my favorite breakfast of all time: scrambled eggs, toast, and veggie sausage patties. i slugged down some coffee and eagerly began to chow down on the delicious food on my plate. i took a few bites of the eggs (yum!) and began to cut up the sausage. i excitedly took a bite with the left side of my mouth and to my utter surprise i felt a searing pain shoot through one of my teeth and into my gums. i was horrified that something so deliciously yummy was causing me this much pain. over the course of the weekend the pain persisted and got worse. i spent 20 minutes this morning desperately trying to figure out how to drink my coffee in way that the hot liquid would totally avoid the left side of my mouth. even the tiniest bit seemed to cause my tooth to scream out in pain. needless to say, i was unsuccessful.

this is all probably my fault. scratch the probably, it is all my fault. i have quite the sweet tooth and despite my regular brushing (i don't floss) i haven't been to see a dentist in at least 4 years. shame on me! some portion of that time was because i didn't have health insurance, but i have had it for close to a year now. no excuses. lucky for me i was able to call around and found one of the nicest people ever who was able to schedule me an appointment for tomorrow. i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find anyone to see me between now and when i leave for california... who wants to go on vacation with an awful toothache?! in the meantime i will just continue to slather my gums with orajel and try to avoid eating as much as possible. unfortunately i have to work tomorrow night, knowing my luck i will be going into work drooling down my face with a big swollen lip. ugh!

i just want to be on the beach every day of my life.
i love the sound of it.
i love the smell of it.
i love the sight of it.
i love the feel of it.

and then every night will be filled with boardwalk treats and skee ball and photobooth pictures.

last weekend was the jersey shore and this past weekend was maryland. so relaxing. i feel so refreshed and excited about life right now. too bad i am working tonight and all of this energy will be quickly zapped from my system. i hope i somehow manage to retain a little of it.

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
(passive-aggressive 101)

10. i will probably always resent you for taking away the "normal" relationship we could have had as sisters. i am glad it wasn't worse, but i will always wish it never happened to our family.
09. i cannot imagine my life without you. i don't know if you feel the same.
08. i had a fractured pelvis bitch. next time look at that x-ray closer.
07. wow, you got fat.
06. why did you bother bringing everything back up if that was going to be the end of it. learn to leave well enough alone. forgiveness and apologies are not things to do on a sentimental whim.
05. i am sorry. your actions were not justification for my behavior.
04. thank you for giving me faith that people were capable of treating each other well in relationships... even if things weren't destined to work out .
03. your life goals are a joke and i hope you learn how to stop behaving like you are 13.
02. please don't do to her what you did to me.
01. i wish that you could see how hurtful and selfish your actions had been. i am still friends with you, but sometimes i don't know why.


9 Things about yourself:
09. i sell myself short on a daily basis.
08. i love sleeping in our bedroom.
07. i could live on water and good bread.
06. i dream about moving to italy every day.
05. i am very bad at articulating my thoughts.
04. sometimes i think i am way too emotional for the career i have chosen.
03. i am afraid of taking turns on my bike too fast for fear that my bike is going to slide right out from under me and i will land on my hip and break something again.
02. every day i become more and more awed by what the human body is capable of.
01. i am learning that more and more i don't care what anyone thinks.

8 ways to win your heart:
08. make me laugh.
07. hold my hand.
06. kiss me so good that i can't feel my legs.
05. fix things when i break them.
04. be honest.
03. make me feel beautiful.
02. accept my faults but at the same time inspire me to overcome them.
01. make me breakfast.

7 things that cross your mind a lot:
07. what now?
06. vacation.
05. why did it take me SO long to get here?
04. i wish i were on the beach
03. how can i just travel... like, forever?
02. regrets.
01. when is the next time i will be sleeping?

6 things you do before you fall asleep:
06. brush my teeth.
05. wash my face.
04. set the alarm.
03. turn on air conditioner.
02. kick trouble maker kitties out.
01. kiss you and sink into your arms.

5 people who mean a lot.

05. mom.
04. dad.
03. julia.
02. claire.
01. ashley.

4 things you're wearing right now.

04. aa triblend tshirt.
03. h&m short shorts.
02. undies.
01. a furrowed brow.

3 songs that you listen to often (currently):

03. "guyamas sonora" - beirut
02. "this time tomorrow" - the kinks
01. "chicago" - sufjan stevens

2 things you want to do before you die:

02. Travel.
01. Love.

sorry amanda, your answer is perfect and i can't change it.

1 confession:

01. i don't know a damn thing.

i am going to california.
we are going to california.
we are taking a vacation.
holy cow i can't even wait.


the only part of the west coast i've been to is portland, oregon and some parts of washington - both years ago. i am excited to see california. there are so many things i would like to do and see. i hope that us having a car out there will lend to lots of spontaneity. oh and katie degraff i absolutely cannot WAIT to see you.


i had my first piece of new jersey corn on the cob this summer last night with dinner and sweet jesus it was glorious. what used to be an almost daily part of my youthful summers has turned into an infrequent treat. but thank you jersey fresh for being at the farmer's market with the amish in passyunk square. you truly made my week complete.

four more hours of my shift to go. then sweet sweet bed. i am glad to have a little bit of a break from the intense heat/humidity that was going on for awhile. i think that contributes to a lot of my motivation issues. hopefully this will last for a little bit.

our housewarming party is next weekend. maybe it should be a housepainting party instead? eh? i'll feed you, you paint for me?

almost everything lately seems so superficial and empty.
just going through the motions of my days.
i feel so energized at work and motivated to do things, but then i get home and feel completely zapped. on my days off i start doing little things and then trail off and abandon one task in the middle for starting another. i can't seem to focus on anything.

i feel isolated and lonely.
i don't make much of an effort to do anything lately.
other than work and see ashley.
but it doesn't seem to phase anyone other than me.

i am tired. in every sense.

sometimes i wish i had the capacity to not care about anything.
caring is hard.
it can be draining. it can hurt.
last night i discovered i still care about something i wish i didn't.
as much as your presence in the past has bothered me and i wished i didn't have to deal with it, your lack of presence combined with your replacement still bothered me. i shouldn't give a crap. but i do. i don't have an explanation as to why. i'm sure if the situation were reversed, you'd be laughing about my misfortune. and there's part of me that wants to. but that is overshadowed by the part of me that wants to, for some reason, still stuck up for you and be loyal. ugh. i am annoyed that i care. but i can't deny it.

in other less cryptic news... i am moving on friday morning and i haven't even begun to pack yet. i am working tues, weds, and thurs. weeeeeeeeeee i hate packing!

i seldom sleep past 5 am these days... even on days off i still wake up then and it takes some coaxing for my mind to let my body fall back asleep. i've even streamlined my morning processes so that i don't need to be up that early, but it doesn't matter. i am still awake then anyway. so i am typing meaningless words here to kill time before i actually need to leave for work. today is day three this week at work. then one off for one and back for two more. i was so burned out from yesterday. i hate coming home and just feeling comatose for a few hours before finally resigning to bed. i'm not sure how i am going to make it through 12 hours today - my mind and body already feel tired. i have so much i need to accomplish on my day off tomorrow, but all i am going to want to do is lay around in bed relaxing.

i need to start packing. moving is just about a week away. it will be here before i know it. i'm bursting with excitement. i have almost a week off from work around the move. plenty of time to clean or paint or get settled in a bit. i am looking forward to that break from work. my mind needs time away from sick kids and the frustrations that go along with taking care of them.

i need coffee.

i forgot the way warm fresh sunshine air smells.
when a house has been closed up all winter and you open the windows for the first time, the smell of the warm air that comes rushing in is invigorating. my room has been like a dark cave the past two weeks. the windows were kept blacked out, a necessity while working night shift so that i can have night-like sleep during the day. so it felt wonderful to see the sunshine spilling in. my kitty curled up in a patch of warm light on my floor and slept all day, part of me wanted to curl up right there next to him. instead i opted for a long brunch with my mom at sabrina's, a leisurely walk with an iced soy chai through the italian market, and finishing off a good book. i could not have asked for a better day off. i even managed to be productive and get some loads of laundry done. working 40+ hours a week is not easy, especially at a job like mine. i feel rejuvenated. and will be happy to return to work tomorrow.

to top it all off, my dinner will be a grilled feast, complete with corn on the cob!

i usually only write in this silly thing when i feel the need to vent about things that bother me or make me upset. i write it out and feel a sense of relief. i never seem to write when i've got no cause for complaint, which really has been my life for the past several several months (with the exception of my injury). i'm going to take some time out of my day and give a little appreciation to how happy i am.

for a long time i have been struggling to find my place. not a physical place, a place within myself. a place where i feel contented with who i am and the things i do. really since [the first time] i graduated from college. it's been a very winding path i took. i definitely took the long and scenic route, which was full of bumps and at some points, even driving off cliffs. there were blips along the way that made me feel like i'd gotten somewhere good. but they either didn't last long or i was just fooling myself into thinking i was happy. i have lost a lot over the past few years. i have made some big [dumb] mistakes. i have hurt others. and others have hurt me. but i wouldn't trade any of it for the world. each and every thing has helped me learn and become the person i am today. and i can finally say that i have found that place. or at least the beginning of it. there are still things that i struggle with it life, there always will be, but there is so much in my life that i feel good about.

i feel so good about my job. i think that this was a huge part of making me have a better perspective on my life. i feel so full and satisfied with my work. some days it's too hard and i find myself in tears. but all of those moments are balanced out by all of the smiles i see from parents and "healthy" children as they leave the hospital to return to their homes. and although my job doesn't leave me with a lot of free time... at least free time when i don't need to be catching up on sleep... i am filling my time away from work with good and positive things. i've been spending more time with friends and strengthening bonds that had for some time been put on the back burner. i've been reading more. i've been truly enjoying the company of someone who i love and who loves me back. yesterday and this morning laying in bed with you were wonderful... a feeling unlike any other. it is during those moments that i realize that i am fully contented with life right now. i am comfortable in my skin. i am comfortable with the people in my life. i am just plain happy.

i want to tell you a story.
about this guy who lives behind me.
i think he has the black lung.
or something much worse.
i don't know.
he goes outside into his "back yard" which i can look out into from my bedroom window.
at first he just coughs a little.
the cough gets worse.
and worse.
and worse.
and then he wretches.
i'm pretty sure both of his lungs come spewing up out of his mouth.
at least that's what it sounds like.
why can he not keep these activities confined to the privacy of his bathroom?
i have to repress the urge to run to my bathroom and do some vomiting of my own.
sometimes it is so bad i have to cover my ears and scream to block the noise.

and then he lights a cigarette.

oh the stupidity.

yet again, you've proved you are a dick!

xoxo.
meg


p.s. i'm actually flattered.

recent developments make this friends only.

snoopers stay out of my shit.